archived 10/31/2014

10/31/2014

Negative Nelly

I have not had anything nice to say so I abandoned this blog for a while. Who wants to hear from a Negative Nelly? Also, I really don't know how much to share with the internets. But for the sake of answering many questions all at once, I will let down my privacy guard and tell you why I am a pissy little punk.

It has been a rough go for me lately. It all started... I don't even know when it started. The shit really hit the fan in July. We got sick. We don't know what, some kind of awful thing. Then in August I fell. I fell bad and tried to be tough about the whole thing and just keep going, until I couldn't keep going. I couldn't feel my leg. I had a herniated disc pressing on my L5 S1 nerves in my spine. I required surgery. I went in for surgery, came home, and immediately returned to the hospital, this time via the emergency department. I was unconscience for somewhere between 24 to 48 hours. I almost died.

I have Type 1 Diabetes. I had no idea I had diabetes. After, or maybe before, the surgery I went into diabetic ketoacidosis.  I am genetically predisposed to develop diabetes and that virus in July, well it was just enough for my body to attack my pancreas so violently that it no longer wanted or wants to produce insulin.

I am insulin dependent for the rest of my life. Finger sticks, injections in my stomach, carb counting, planning... so much planning.  I am pissed about it. I was a normal healthy person walking around thinking about life and adventure and now I am perceived as a sick disabled person with limitations. All of my conversations now are about how I'm feeling, what my blood sugar numbers are like, have I met with a specialist, have I considered alternative treatments. It's all very exhausting and doesn't make me feel very cheerful. 

So just ignore me for a while. There will be wonderful posts soon... Probably written by Rodney, while I sulk.

I need to end on a high note. So here goes: I am so grateful for my husband, who saved my life, and continues to be some kind of superman. He can tuck in the kids, muck out the barn and write article after article to pay our bills.  I will tell you that the farm is more beautiful this year than last. We have met some patient and kind folks that have welcomed us into this community despite our many flaws. Our freezers are full to the brim with chicken and beef and soon, more pork. Our children are healthy. I am a lucky girl.